When I was a younger man, I lived a life of a lie. Living my life for the comfort of others, not being true to myself. This created much internal conflict and was a main factor driving my addiction. Eventually this charade became too unbearable to continue and I began to truly live my life for who I am…who I was born to be. I identify with this song so much…

An Easier Affair – George Michael

Here comes one for the ladies

For the ones who love me
To think I thought I could be some kind of family man
I told myself I was straight
But I shouldn’t have worried
‘Cos my Maker had a better plan for me

And I’m dancing with the freaks now
I’m havin’, I’m havin’ so much fun
What you sow is what you reap now
I’ll do my dance with everyone
I’ve been getting too much Sun
(Yes I’m dancin’ with the freaks now)
We’re havin’, we’re havin’ too much fun for them
Look who’s talking Guilty feet now’

Well let me tell you people
It’s an easier affair
Not living my life with other people on my mind
No, got nothing to hide from anyone
Yes, I’m walking on new air
Just living my life
Better believe I’m gonna get what’s mine
See I don’t have the time
For the haters

And all the time that I wasted
How careless of me
Too young and stupid to see
I put my life in their hands
(Gonna look for Cupid, man)
Oh, and I know that they want me to hate them
There’s no hurry
I’ll just have to be the bigger man

Dancin’ with the freaks now
I’m havin’, I’m havin’ so much fun
What you sow is what you reap now
I’ll do my dance with everyone
I’ve been getting too much Sun
If I turn the other cheek now
Would that be, would that be too much fun for them’
Look who’s talking
Guilty feet now’

Well let me tell you people
It’s an easier affair
Not livin’ my life with other people on my mind
No, got nothing to hide from anyone
‘Cos I’m walking on new air
Just living my life
Better believe I’m gonna get what’s mine
See I don’t have the time for the haters

Don’t let them tell you who you are is not enough
Don’t let them tell you that it’s wrong
Or that you won’t find love

Don’t let them use my life to put your future down
Don’t let them tell you that happiness can’t be found

For my life

Take it to the streets
There are stories you can keep
They’re just passing you by

Don’t let them tell you who you are is not enough
Don’t let them tell you that it’s wrong
Or that you won’t find love

Don’t let them use my life to put your future down
Don’t let them tell you that happiness can’t be found.

In January of 2015, I was contacted by a producer with the Digital Discovery Networks out of San Francisco CA, inquiring if I would be willing to be a part of a documentary they were gearing up to produce on Leonard Knight’s Salvation Mountain in Niland CA. They were reaching out to me after coming across images on my Flickr account of Leonard and Salvation Mountain that I took when visited there Sept. of 2009.

Digital Discovery Networks is a multi-channel Internet television and digital cable network that creates, produces and distributes Web television shows on niche topics. The documentary was for their Seeker network and was to be featured in the This Happened Here series.

They sent me a link to another documentary they had produced and I felt it would be a cool project to be involved in.

They emailed all the release forms, along with a series of questions they wanted me to answer which would be used in the episode.

I wrote out a script which at first was challenging, because at times, I tend to be long winded.  I realized I couldn’t go through every detail of the day in the story telling, so I had to edit it down.

Once I was comfortable with the script, I then had to record it. The producers were keen on me just speaking into my cellphone and they would edit it from there once I sent them the files.

This whole process was an exercise in just letting go. I must have attempted to record the script at least 30 times. After first, I would stumble a few words in, then I would stumble half way through, towards the the end,  it was just as I was about finished.  I was getting sick of the whole process!!  Knowing that there were stumbles in the recording, I thought ‘oh fuck it” and just sent the recording in.

Last week, I was looking over my Flickr stats and I saw that Laughing Squid out of NYC was linking to my page, I clicked the link and found the video and article about the episode.

Later that day, I received an email from from the producer informing me the episode had been released and where I could find it on YouTube, where it currently has just over 6,900 views.

Here is the original episode of This Happened Here

The episode has been featured on Laughing Squid,   DesignTaxi,  The Omaha-Advertising Agency,

API-Nuzzel,  Gizmodo,  and Museperk.

I still think I sound like a knob and my stumbles are all too obvious. Still, I like the way the folks at Discovery Digital Networks wove their narration, together with my telling of the storyline along with my photographs to create this.

I guess if/when there is a next time, I’ll try to minimize the fuck it’s and work on a smoother delivery of my narration.

Jeff Beck played the last show of his 2015 solo tour at the State Theatre in Minneapolis on Saturday night, May 23^rd.

Backed by bassist Ronda Smith, guitarist Nicolas Meier, drummer Jonathon Joseph and vocalist Jimmy Hall; Jeff and company launched into an incredible 100 minute set that began with “Loaded’ then moved through a mix of originals and covers that had Jimmy Hall belting out lyrics for “Morning Dew” “ A Change is Gonna Come” “Little Wing” “Superstition” “Rollin and Tumblin” “Goin Down” or off stage for the instrumentals during “Nadia” “Cause We Ended as Lovers” “Big Block” “A Day In the Life”

The encores were “Danny Boy” and “The Thrill is Gone.” The band returned for a third and final encore of “Foxy Lady”

I have been listening to Jeff Beck since I was ten years old. My brother was a drummer and always used to play along with Blow by Blow and Wired. Blow by Blow is one of my quintessential road trip listens. I photographed Jeff Beck on his Fire and Fury Tour in 1989 with Stevie Ray Vaughan, but didn’t get the quality imagery as I did this past Saturday night.

Working with Jeff’s PR folks, I was granted a photo pass to shoot he first two song of the show. This was short access. I usually am granted three songs. I looked online and found a set list from the show in Chicago two days prior. I watched video clips of the two first two songs and felt that shooting from stage right ( left of house) was the best option. When I arrived at the venue and met the media contact there, they indicated there would be two photographers shooting, I would get left of house and the other would get right of house. I was cool with that, because it was what I had hoped for in the first place.

I nervously paced back and forth front of house shaking the nervousness out my hands as opening act Billy Ruffoul ripped through a 40 minute set. He was a left-handed player and mixed it up between acoustic and electric guitar. He’s a good player…but then, he was opening for Jeff, so maybe that’s an understatement. His last song was “The Seeker” which calmed me down some as I heard The Who play it 10 days earlier. I don’t know, in my mind it seemed to come all full circle.

I made my way to my shooting position and the house went dark at 8:50, precisely the time I was told Jeff would start. “Loaded” began and I moved closer to the stage to capture the action.

For me, the moment of it all was half way through the second song “Nine”, Jeff looked into my camera and smiled and I captured this:

After the two song minimum, I was at my seat and just so high from what I saw through my lens as the show unfolded before me. I settled in and just grooved hearing Jeff’s playing with the same amazement I have every time I listen to Blow by Blow.

I thought Jimmy Hall’s vocals were ok, but didn’t seem to be on par with the caliber of the rest of the musicians on stage…but he still rocked out.

During Nicolas Meier’s “Yemen” as he and Jeff traded licks I thought it was as if East meets West on the guitar front. Nicolas’ playing was the perfect to compliment to Jeff. From my time shooting and in my seat, I could always see him looking over at Jeff, just smiling away…the bond between these two quite evident.

Ronda Smith’s bass playing never disappoints and I see why she has played with Jeff for years now as she compliments his style completely and can hold her own with a funkalicious style of impressive fingering.

Jonathan Joseph was just an power house on the drums! Whether it was a thundering rhythm, a jazzy four-time and everything in between; he kept a solid presence behind the kit.

Jeff’s playing on “Little Wing” brought tears to my eyes as emotions over came me.

Watching and listening to him play live was just amazing as he finger-picked his Strat making it wail the blues, chop through funk, glide through jazz, blister into heavy rock and then mix it all up again.

Here is the link to the images form the show: https://www.flickr.com/photos/joebielawa/sets/72157653422383632

Another trip around the sun logged in yesterday and I am grateful. Certainly in the last year there have been some set backs, some warbles, but for the most part it has been a good year.

On a two week jaunt in the Coachella Valley of Southern California, I started out the day with a hike in the San Bernadinio Mountains at the Whitewater Preserve. A front moved through the desert over night, bringing a light rain and early morning cloud cover, which illuminated the mountains. The him was a moderate 3.75 miles, with a elevation gain of 650 feet, which provided a nice view of the canyon that resulted in an expression of my creativity I have not felt since my road trip to the Florida Keys five months ago.

The Whitewater Canyon

The Whitewater River

The San Bernadino Mountains with Mt. San Jacinto in the background.

Back in Palm Springs later that afternoon, I went to Crystal Fantasy for both a “card reading” and a Reike session. Both were incredible. The reading was so amazing; before I even touched or shuffled the cards, the reader spoke of the things she saw with me and it was uncanny how someone had the ability to see into my life within just a few moments of meeting me.

Meeting with Joy, Seer and card reader.

The Reike session was just as powerful, but in a total different sense. I had a friend with me and she told me the Reike master was singing/ringing bowls around me at one point…I was so in a zone, I heard nothing. When the session was over I was so “woozy” I had trouble sitting up, could barely stand and had trouble walking the first few steps. Even a few minutes later my equilibrium was off and I almost fell over.

During the session with Reike Master Geta.

These two sessions brought me such clarity and enlightenment. Now to move forward with this insight as the next orbit begins its solar spin.

The rest of the evening was spent wandering VillageFest on Palm Canyon Drive, where I made my usual purchase of local Medjool dates and other local fare.

Then it was a dinner of sushi, which upon reflection realized I have had sushi as a birthday celebratory meal for at least the last four or five years.

The amount of birthday greetings and wishes I received from causal friends around the country and those close to me was over-whelming!  I am certainly fortunate to be surrounded by the people who are in my life.

Over four months since my last posting and what better time to do so as I rip across the sky in an aluminum can at 38,000 feet. Embarking on yet another desert adventure, seeking the peace, tranquility and connectedness that seems to come to me whenever I venture from Minneapolis.

I have been in a depressed state. An inner voice is calling, yet am not ready to follow; so I go through the motions, dulled, monotonous , mundane.

Cross roads are approaching, a change is on the horizon…I have felt it for awhile. I am restless. Uncertain.

I have been through this all before.

My mind is clouded with too many thoughts. I stare out the window and look out over the snow covered Colorado Rockies.

The West is calling to me again. A dose of 15 days will bring some satisfaction; it will ease the yearning and satisfy the desire.

All this negativity….of the ionic kind. I love it.

I rolled into Cocoa Beach Florida last night at sunset, five hours , 45 minutes after leaving Marathon. The drive out of the Keys is slightly monotonous, with the average speed limit of 45 m.p.h. The scenery makes it worth-while. Driving a slightly narrow two lane highway that was once a rail line, you snake along through mangrove,  over high bridges and roadway built up a few feet from the water line.

Driving Highway 1 in the Florida Keys.

Being next to and near large bodies of water, a body absorbs the negative ions that the water mass gives off;  which minimizes the positive ones the body has, creating an impressive amount of health benefits. A few of which are: increases the flow of oxygen to the brain, strengthens the body’s immune system, and reinforces collagen.

More can be referenced here:

http://www.lightair.com/source.php/1373603/Negative%20ions%20are%20Positive_3.pdf

For me, to walk barefoot in the sand at the waterline, swim, or gaze upon a sunrise or sunset is enough.  Add a opportunity for a boat ride or discovering a hidden beach, just magnifies the experience.

Three days, Sunrise in Marathon FL

Sunset in Key West

                                                                       Sunrise in Cocoa Beach, FL

                                                  Fishing the Atlantic off of Key Colony/Marathon FL

Coco Plum Beach

Coco Plum Beach

I have a few more days ocean side, before I begin the trek to return to the Northland.

I’m in the midst of a 4,000 mile road-trip and am currently in Marathon FL, the Florida Keys. The drive down from Minneapolis took took four days with a six hour sleep in Beloit WI, 36 hour lay-over over in Atlanta GA and then a 20 hour layover in Orlando.

The most grueling of days was the drive from Beloit to Atlanta. 14 hours of driving. At times I was getting loopy. I had to get out of the car at rest stops and do calisthenics. This seemed to get the blood moving and clear my head.. The traffic in Atlanta was nuts, but luckily the iPhone GPS navigator guided me through to my destination 20 miles east of Atlanta.

Driving, I am spending a lot of time in reflection, listening to music I haven’t heard in a while. The visuals of the various tress in stages of fall splendor throughout the Midwest and South has been soothing. All of this has eased my restlessness as of late.

I have a few days here in the Keys, then a few up to Cocoa Beach and then I will begin the journey back north.

The Bug

Well it’s a strange old game – you learn it slow
One step forward and it’s back to go
You’re standing on the throttle
You’re standing on the brakes
In the groove ’til you make a mistake

Sometimes you’re the windshield
Sometimes you’re the bug
Sometimes it all comes together baby
Sometimes you’re a fool in love
Sometimes you’re the louisville slugger
Sometimes you’re the ball
Sometimes it all comes together baby
Sometimes you’re going lose it all

You gotta know happy – you gotta know glad
Because you’re gonna know lonely
And you’re gonna know bad
When you’re rippin’ and a ridin’
And you’re coming on strong
You start slippin’ and slidin’
And it all goes wrong because

Sometimes you’re the windshield
Sometimes you’re the bug
Sometimes it all comes together baby
Sometimes you’re a fool in love
Sometimes you’re the louisville slugger baby
Sometimes you’re the ball
Sometimes it all comes together baby
Sometimes you’re going lose it all

One day you got the glory
One day you got none
One day you’re a diamond
And then you’re a stone
Everything can change
In the blink of an eye

So let the good times roll
Before we say goodbye, because

Sometimes you’re the windshield
Sometimes you’re the bug
Sometimes it all comes together baby
Sometimes you’re a fool in love
Sometimes you’re the louisville slugger baby
Sometimes you’re the ball
Sometimes it all comes together baby
Sometimes you’re going lose it all ~ Mark Knopfler

The last couple of weeks this has been my life to a tee…not waves of one or the other; but the constant flux. One hour I am the windshield, then SPLAT! I’m the bug. I ‘ll be rippin’ and a-ridin at a gig , feeling king of the world, getting full of my self and then I’m slipping and a sliding …at home looking at the images feeling like I fucked it up..could have done better.  I have pretty much always been a fool in love…

This ego mania with an inferiority complex just wrecks havoc. Fortunately I don’t need the drink or the drug anymore to magnify the whole ordeal.

As the lyrics reveal… ya have to experience all sides….it’s life.

I made another pilgrimage to Integratron in Landers CA.  This was my 8th or 9th time?  I am drawn to this place, it’s energy, it’s location, it’s geometry and it stewards. Nancy, Joanne and Dray-tron wrap me in their energy of peace, love and acceptance. In actuality, the reality is: they emulate my energy of peace, love and acceptance.  I rarely feel the intensity of my energy coming back at me and it is one of the greatest feelings. It is this ebb and flow of human energy, coupled with the vibe I feel between the portals of the SoundChamber as I meditate, chant or speak with intention that has me travelling the 1882 miles.

When recieving  a sound bath, laying on the floor as one of the above mentioned spirit guides sing the large quartz bowls causing a warbling vibration of sound, my mind’s eye opens and I travel thru space, color and time. I am lost to my presence there on the floor, yet at the same time feel my physical body expanding, aligning…balancing.

During earlier sound baths, my recovery time afterwards took longer. This time, I still needed some time to return into the physical plane of my being, but it was not long. Although I was conscience to being “back” in  my body, it took some time to move my limbs and get up off the floor.

With all the anomalies that occur when I am in this domed structure what excites or trips me out the most are the sounds, words, expressions that come out of me unrehearsed, unknown and completely foreign. Their only common denominator is their resonating sound, their tonality.

 The Sound Chamber at Integratron.

After spending a few hours here, I feel as if I have had an intense massage. I am drained,  tired, yet renewed, stronger, clearer and feel more of a presence, a connectedness.