Author Archives: joe bielawa

Traveling through Miami.

 

I am heading to Miami, with the final destination of the Florida Keys to shoot the product line for a friend  who is launching her webiste.

This is my first time traveling to the Keys, and I look forward to spending a week working and playing.

The last time I flew into Miami, I was returning from La Paz, Bolivia after photographing a total solar eclipse on the altiplano out side city of Huachacalla. I was traveling with my sister and she was unaware to my drug induced shenanigans of smuggling of coca leaf  back to the States through Miami Customs. Now, it wasn’t a massive amount, but certainly enough to provide a couple of months stash to add a kick to my joints that I smoked regularly at the time.

I had been chewing coca leave since our arrival in La Paz ten days earlier and since it is not illegal in Bolivia it was everywhere. I felt the obvious thing was to bring some of the “local flavor” when I returned from the trip.

I was more blatant in how I transported the product than I when I smuggled ganja back from Jamaica three years earlier.

In my self-obsessed chemical thinking,  my need to have coca leaf to smoke when I got home didn’t out weigh the risk of the consequences of getting caught. Not to mention the angst, paranoia and fear I endured going through customs, even with my sister as an unsuspecting decoy .This was clearly another example of my chemical selfishness of my drug days.

It’s a relief these days that I don’t have to take all the risks involved of making sure I am chemically stocked when traveling…either down the street or across the country.

 

 

 

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Clutter, Baggage and Letting Go.

All this stuff. In my life. Weighing me down. The baggage, physical, mental and emotional. It’s everywhere. I am not a hoarder…maybe in the ground stages. I have too much stuff and a ridicules attachment to the useless. Oh, it may have served a purpose at one time, or at a time I thought would come.

I am sure there is some mental health issue connected to my need to hang on to useless stuff, probably all rooted back to that core issue of abandonment. I spent years fucked up on chemicals trying to run from it, stints in rehab, years on a shrink’s couch trying to identify and figure it out.

And now, I realize: Get rid of the useless stuff!

Yesterday I went into my basement storage unit and opened each box, deemed it: trash, donate or save.

Somethings were easy to distinguish, others I set in one pile then went back and moved into trash or donate piles.

I reduced what was in the storage unit by half. And it was nice to load up the vehicle and just cart it all away to donation and take the rest to a dumpster.

The more difficult aspects this concept is the emotional and mental clutter I have. For years I have clung to one, not wanting to let go. Realizing that the emotions would never be returned, yet thinking there could be a friendship, for at one time there was this intensity. I placed a overwhelming amount of energy into this secret scene that was once shared. A 23 year overwhelming amount of energy.

So I recently let it go. Turned my back on the whole thing. I feel odd. It feels strange.

I have to just trust…that by cleaning up my physical and emotional house that once the useless stuff is gone, things will be lighter.

But I feel odd. It feels strange. The fear of change is less painful than the pain of staying where I am.

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A New Year

I hear around me, in the last couple of days and today: ” I am SO READY to get this year over with” “I am SO OVER this year” “So glad it’s a new year”  Ok, I can understand maybe it wasn’t the greatest calendar year for you. 

My calendar reloves around my narcotics clean date, which is also at my birthday at 3/19.

2012 was a good year for me, so I am not filled with regret or a longing for the year to end, but am confidant with the prospect of a new year beginning.

2012 brought about the reemergence of my photography through my affiliation with Townsquare Media – St. Cloud. I am shooting more events with them than I have ever before in my career. Some I have no emotional attachment to, and am able to produce quality imagery, which is just developing my professionalism. I am developing a network here in The Twin Cities as well as nationally and I have no idea where any of it will lead, I try to keep moving forward.

I have had new people come into my life, most have been enriching, some need to be moved along. All have taught me something. Some I would like to hold onto for ever, others…well, there’s the curb!

I have traveled to new destinations and have frequented the places that always bring me a renewed energy.

Oh, but I have had my “sucky moments” as well. 

I still hold some in too high of expectations. And this is a defect for me…to hold expectations over anyone.

And my self-imposed “darkness” has crippled me more than a few times…I guess in ways, it always will. It’s part of my existence..in my DNA I suppose, to have bouts of darkness. As always, the key is how do I deal with the darkness? do  I feed it?  Either with gallons of alcohol and countless little baggies of narcotics or even worse, with more fuel of negative thought.

I have come to understand that these bouts of darkness are natural..and if i wait a space of time, they will pass.

And as I have also learned, the bouts are cyclical and usually lunar.

Last night, instead of going to bed at my usual time, I mixed up one of my workout blends and went to The Rollerdome to skate in the New Year. I skated 30 miles as the clock ticked down to midnight. I was up well into the early morning (1:30am) after skating; and slept late into the morning (8:15am) all of which is a drastic change in my sleep cycle.

When I think of how many nights I was up all night, how many mornings I woke up drunk and or hung over…this clean life is something I really like. I have a choice today and it is continue a living a life free of alcohol and drugs. To be clear headed when life’s moments present themselves and be available to feel their enrichment to the fullest.

It is rather freeing to take the weight of 12/31 to 1/1 off my shoulders. More importantly, by living a life with out intoxicants, the thoughts that propelled me into chemical induced neurosis no longer dictate a calendar flipping as an reason to hurl my body and mind into choas.

Who know what the next 12 months holds? Seriously, for anyone. 

 

 

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A New Vehicle

Today I signed the papers on the purchase of a 2008 Honda Element. B.F.D. you may think. And to some that is true. Most folks at my vintage have probably had a few cars by now. This is actually the third car that I have owned; the sixth I have have had at my disposal.

I won my first car, a 1979 Dodge Omni, 8 days before my 16th birthday in a raffle at the high school I went to. Growing up in a single parent family with out a car, I was used to not having one. The cost for insurance on a brand new car for a first time driver have been astronomical, so I opted to take a scholarship (cash) that was offered in lieu of the car.

Te second car I owned was a beat up 1976 Chevy Nova that I purchased in 1989 to deliver Dominos Pizzas as a second job. The body was rusted out so badly,in the winter snow would fly into the car when I was in reverse. The engine was great, as was the heater and the stereo.

I have had various vehicles at my disposal with various job I have held over the years, the last one being a 1986 Ford Ranger that I had in 1992.

I have been wanting to purchase a vehicle for awhile now and have liked the Honda Element for gas milage, vehicle versatility and the Honda reputation; but the biggest feature was that the seats fold down into a bed. Allowing for long road trips and travel.

Way this is such a B.F.D for me is that just 10 years ago, I was unemployed and unemployable, physically, spiritually, mental and financially bankrupt. Thousands of dollars in debt to the IRS. A strung out drug addict realizing and admitting after years that the drugs just weren’t working anymore and made a decision to try a new way (not using drugs) to live.

I never know what path my life will take…I try to guide myself along various avenues…paths…but honestly haven’t a clue of a destination. And I am ok with that.

But I can say this..that the possibilities and opportunities that have come to me since I live a life clean and sober just amaze me.

For “normal” people this understanding may be obvious. But for those of us folks who have lived through a life at the depths addiction, to come to a point of a functioning member of society…it is such a incredible experience.

To be where I have been…and to be where I am now…Life is such an amazingly wonderful journey!

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The Who – Quadrophenia and More – 2012

Tuesday Night, 11/27/2012, I was at Target Center in Minneapolis to photograph The Who- Qaudrophenia and More Tour 2012 and opening act Vintage Trouble.

I had purchased a ticket to the event in July and was just excited for the show ever since.

My editor and I began communication with The Who’s PR folks in September, but didn’t receive any word until the final approval 24 hours before the show. This is the nature of this business and at times, it drives me alittle batty; however once I am approved, it is always worth the wait.

As usual, I was cleared to shoot the first three songs from the pit for both Vintage Trouble and The Who.

I watched some YouTube clips of Vintage Trouble and liked them, “old School” rock and roll.

Since they weren’t doing the video production that The Who was, I was free to move about the pit. I was the only media photographer there, so I was able to move center stage directly in front of the band. After my time was up, I was escorted back stage as Vintage Trouble continued their set. I really liked what I heard; a thundering rhythm section, a screamin’ guitar and a bluesy wailing voice. These guys are good. Definitely a band to watch.

Here is a link to photos Vintage Trouble:

“http://www.flickr.com/photos/joebielawa/sets/72157632121094207/”

A few more photographers had gathered back stage as the start time for The Who drew closer. The PR woman for Target Center reappeared and gave us the primary instructions for shooting, then led us forward to the pit to met with The Who’s Tour Director. He gave us the final instructions: first four songs, not past the tape line on the floor; which left the five of us to the stage right, directly in front of Simon Townshend and bassist Pino Palladino, behind them the horn section, with Roger Daltrey center stage in front of drummer Zak Starkey and Pete Townshend at far stage left.

During the opening song, “I am the Sea” videos played, as the musicians took their positions. Roger had his back to the audience. When “The Real Me” started, Roger turned, faced the crowd, started swinging his mic and the show was on!

I tried to get shots of Pete from where I was at, but he had a music stand positioned to his right, which was blocking me from getting a direct shot of him playing guitar. I moved back from the line to the left to got some shots of Simon and Pino, then some shots of Roger.

I moved forward toward the line, place my foot on the inside of the barrier between the stage and the crowd for support and stood up on my toes to try and get some shots of Pete. This didn’t work well as my balance was off. At this moment Pete took a step back and over towards Roger…I was able to get some shots of the both of them, then some solos of Pete playing, then some as he sang at the end of “Quadrophenia”

“Cut My Hair” began, the tour director, who was sitting on a chair at the bowed his head smiled and motioned for us to exit the pit. Once out of the pit, our Target Center liaison was there to guide us backstage to the stage door. Some of the other photographers were discussing the difficulty of the shoot by our position in the pit. I silently agreed, but was still just too excited from what I had just been witness to.

I was the only one of the photographers who purchased a ticket for the show so after the others exited the arena; I was taken up to guest services to check my cameras, and then to my seat.

I was seated two thirds up in the first section of the lower-level, stage right. It was a good seat. Two seats in to the left from the aisle, with a few seats to right not occupied, I had a great vantage point.

When “5:15” started, I began to channel Phil Daniels and emulate the character of Jimmy Cooper: rocking out, bobbing my head like a mad Mod spun out on amphetamines. It wasn’t too difficult of a psyche for me to channel. I mellowed out a bit, but still the music brought out this energy in me.

It was during “5:15” that a video footage played of John Entwistle playing his infamous bass solo. There is no question in my mind that Entwistle was and always will be, the best bass player in rock and roll history. I was fortunate to hear him play live once back in 1989. I was tripping balls on magic mushrooms and really that is all I clearly remember of that night at Alpine Valley, Ox’s thundering bass solo.

During “Bellboy,” footage played of Keith Moon singing his role in the production as the band on stage played live. As each video footage played of John and Keith, Roger would turn an face the monitors above the stage as if he was paying homage to his departed band mates.

As “The Rock” and then the intro to ”Love Reign o’ Me” played, the video monitors played footage of events from the Viet Nam War, to the 60’s leaders, assassinations, into the 70’s, Nixon, Watergate, the death of Elvis, the 80’s, Soviets invading Afghanistan, Margret Thatcher, the death of John Lennon, Reagan,The Berlin Wall coming down, G.H. Bush, the 90’s, Clinton, Blair, G.W. Bush, Saddam, The Twin Towers collapsing, Obama…

“Only Love…can make it rain…”

After 90 some minutes of non-stop music “Qaudrophenia” was over and Pete introduced the band. Then the second set began with “Who Are You,” and then “Behind Blue Eyes,” “Pinball Wizard” “Baba O’Riley” and ”Won’t Get Fooled Again” then ended with “Tea and Theatre.”

I really can’t say why…maybe it was hearing music of my early adulthood live, my connection to the insanity/frustration/angst of Jimmy Cooper that I once and somewhat still feel. I don’t know. But I was kind of raw, yet at the same time satisfied, content…happy…at peace.

Ever since I have been clean and sober and go to concerts, two things usually occur, especially if I am attending solo: 1) at some point, the music reduces me to tears which usually leads to; 2) some sort of “corrective emotional break through”

I lost it the first time during “I’ve had Enough” then at the end “5:15”. During “Doctor Jimmy” and then the “The Rock” I had the break through and it was that if Roger and Pete are still rocking out, even though they are not in the form that they were 20, 30 years ago…they are still doing the deal and doing it well.

I have been having slight bouts of panic as I enter in to the 4th quarter of my forties. But it was during the tail end of “Quadrophenia” that I had the major breakthrough and thought: “Ha! This ‘kid’ is alright” and came to a certain acceptance of where I am in my life. I mean…what the fuck can I do about the aging process anyway???

As the second set began I was on my feet and just “dancing.” Actually it was just jumping up and down, flaying my arms like a spun out freak. I noticed that the people that were seated close seemed to move a little further away, which gave me more room to spaz about.

I rocked out for the entire second set. My hair and clothes where drenched with sweat. I only mellowed out as the band left the stage and only Roger and Pete remained, thanking the crowd and then began “Tea and Theatre.” When they finished, they again thanked the crowd for the support over the years “otherwise, we would still be playing in some bar somewhere” They waved and exited the stage.

The house lights came up and Johnny Cash’s “Ring of Fire” began playing. I sat down for a while to unwind and let the crowd dwindle, then made my way to guest services to retrieve my gear and head home.

The tour goes on into late February of 2013…and I am considering another go.

Here are the images of The Who:“http://www.flickr.com/photos/joebielawa/sets/72157632123499852/

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A Guitar God, Manic Behavior & Addiction

Late last night and into the early hours of this morning, I finished reading WHO I AM, Pete Townshend’s autobiography.

I always love reading these types of books as they give me a greater understanding of my musical heroes; giving me more insight into their lives by either dispelling the stories I have heard or providing me a factual account of what really was happening.

I was so enthralled by Townshend’s writing and was immediately drawn into his story. I was amazed at his candor. And as is usually the case with heroes, their friability. I always find so “shocking” in the sense that I realize that most of them are just as fucked up, if not more so, than me. I always viewed him as this guitar god, this world famous musician; not someone with these traits of fucked-upedness I clearly possess.

I could completely identify with all of Townshend’s awkwardness…his feelings of inadequacy,his loneliness, his fear of sexuality and of abandonment.

Not surprising was his use of alcohol, chemicals and work to try and soothe the aches and pains of mind and soul; his fright when the drugs and alcohol no longer worked, his recovery, relapses and finally his coming to terms with his issues.

As is the case with most stories of addiction, the issues are the same, but the plot, characters and how we get to “that point” are unique to the story-teller.

It has been reinforced to me that for addicts like myself, there are really only two options. Learn how to deal with the issues that manifest themselves through our chemical use or die. Alot of addicts don’t get the first option. At times, I wonder why I was given a chance at the former when the latter seemed more desirable.

As is also the case with most stories of addiction, I find comfort in hearing someone’s story and identifying with it.

It was wild to see Pete use his lyrics to highlight points in chapters. I mean, rightfully so..they are his lyrics. I have been using these same credited lyrics in my writing for years.

Towards the end of the book..as he started to cover the late 1980’s, many emotions were triggered within me. It was during this time that I saw The Who live for the first time and shared this concert experience with the one I keep thinking I am “so over”

As Townshend discussed the workings of The Iron Man and the song A Friend is a Friend, I was pretty much raw.

When in the final chapters of the book, Pete recites the letter he wrote to his 8 year old self. I was completely done in and have been in a funk for the last few hours.

I can’t tag an age in my childhood when my issues first manifested themselves. Moreover, I know I can only move forward…that these issues will never go away and will pop up time and again. It’s the dealing with this shit..this dysfunctional thinking…that is the barometer of my recovery. Still…at times when I am in an emotional upheaval such as this, I feel like a stranger in a strange land, alone amongst the masses.

Maybe if I used heroin for the first time this go around…it would be different. Ya, right.

So I find solace in exercise and the bike ride I just completed on a balmy, November, Minnesota 30 degree day.

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Madonna

Last night I ventured over to St. Paul with my friend Mona Wong to watch Madonna perform at Xcel Center.

We got there around 7:45 only to find out that Madonna wouldn’t take the stage until 10:30. DJ Paul Oakenfold started bumping beats ’round 8:40.

I have been having difficulty sleeping since returning form my trip to CA three days ago. I purchased a bag a kettle pop corn and began eating doses of sugary carbs every 15 minutes to try to sustain me…but once the music started my brain chemistry kicked in and I was off.

Madonna’s intro started about 10:35 and from the first moments the actual set was monumental! A massive church scene as “monks” began pulling a massive rope and the ringing of a church bell, chanting Gregorian Chants, with Madonna up in the back ground of the set reciting an act of contrition.

She then kicked things off with “Girls Gone Wild” then went into “Revolver” and “Gang Bang” This was interesting segement because Madonna acted out shooting her dancers and then lover in a seedy hotel room. Each time there was a “BANG” of a gun, red matter would splatter across the back monitor that was the back of the stage.

I read an article were the people at the show in Denver were upset over this scene. Too soon to the Aurora shootings, I guess. She said prior to starting her tour that she is not a gun supporter, and the skit is an artistic statement symbolizing intolerance and “the pain I have felt from having my heart broken.”

It was graphic and startling…as a broken heart usually is. I just kept saying “WOW!” as this segment of the show continued and then finally came to an end.

The show continued and I was just in awe of everything, so wishing I could photograph the event. The lightening and the stage were incredible and from the vantage point I had, I got a awesome over view of the whole production. But that yearning passed as she would perform some song that would just make me start to dance and enjoy the moment.

Highlights for me that made me dance my ass off were: “Hung Up” “Express Yourself/ Born This Way” “Open Your Heart” “Justify My Love” ‘Vogue” “Like A Prayer” “Celebration”

The poignant moment was when she performed “Nobody Knows Me” and flashed on backstage screen the names and pictures of various gay teens who committed suicide due to bullying.

115 minutes and the show was over.

I left the concert on a natural high and with an introspective. Her music has been part of various stages of my coming out and I realized that my coming out is always evolving….because I am aways evolving.

Freddie and I used to spent many hours so close to each other or wrapped in each others arms with “Bedtime Stories” as background music. I haven’t brought myself to listen to that cd since his death…I am kind of glad none of it was played or I would have become a blubbering mass of mess in public.

Without a doubt this show ranked in my top three of all time great shows.

With nine dates left in the US and 12 dates on the South American Tour I wonder…should I see another show?

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Vikings Fans, Prejudice & Love

An interesting thing occurred to me today. Not really all that strange in the ways of the universe..a common occurrence actually. The moment when love defeats prejudice and banishes it’s existence into nothingness.

Oh, Ya sure… I didn’t think I was ACTAULLY prejudice… I’m not THAT heartless.

You see I had a predisposition towards Vikings Fans. I am from Chicago. I gotta root for da Bears. But back in 1998, when I first moved back to MN I got caught up in the Vikings. Until THAT DAY. And I vowed never again.

I live in close proximity to the HHH Metrodome or what they now call Mall of America Field. And its good, because that is where I inline skate during the winter.

But during the fall there is this purple and gold invasion into my neighborhood. And like most prejudices I was afraid of what I did not understand or know.

A couple of weeks back I was a volunteer for the NOH8 Campaign when it set up it’s Open Shoot in St.Paul at Macalester College. While I was there I met Erin Darsow. Then Chris Kluwe walked in the door. I had just read his letter that is now infamous and was blown away by it all.

Erin friended me on Facebook. A week ago she invited me to an event called Vikings Fans SACK Cancer. This event was in conjunction with October being National Breast Cancer Awareness Month. Erin had created this event where people who were at the Vikings Game in ‘Purple Lot #1″ could get their head shaved in honor of and to support Breast Cancer Awareness. The Vikings got involved and chipped in a cash donation per head. And then Erin and her crew raised some funds as well.

I contacted Erin and told her I would donate my photographic time to the event and show up and take pictures if she wanted. She was very keen on the idea.

I headed down to the parking lot around 9:30. The game started at 3pm. The smell of bar b que waifed thru the air. Music was bumping from various stereos, and set ups better than my living room were set up around the parking lot. I sent a message to Erin, she had me call her and then I found where she was in all her pink purple and yellow glory.

She introduced me to a bunch of people and they thanked me for being there to take pictures. I was offered a beer but declined gracefully without the whole “recovering alcoholic ” bit. I met more people.The warmth and friendliness was too cool. I fit right in.

As the cutting, no the electronic shaving of peoples head began, another photographer showed up ..we introduced ourselves. And I remembered his name: Craig. Which is good for me because usually in situations that are new to me, my short term memory is just fucked. And names just slip away.

People started to crowd closer to the chairs to watch people getting their heads shaved. I worked on pushing the crowd back so Craig and I had more room. And people obliged. Craig and I took turns shooting. But it was difficult to shoot. The sun was right into the lens, I had no lens hood, so I used my hand. In some shots you can see my finger. I had my buddy Fill with me, Fill Flash and it lite up the shadows nicely.

I worked my way around and through out the crowd, capturing images of folks in their pink, Purple and Yellow.

At one point a woman sat down and the head shavers pulled her long blond hair back into a pony tail, then cut it off. Then they began to shave her hair down to the scalp as the woman yelled “This is to honor my grandfather who died last night from kidney cancer!” Ok, That was it. I broke and just began to cry…in the middle of all these people. I shook it off..and took pictures of this woman as she became a bald head.

Folks arrived with pizza and pans of pasta. I was offered food. I accepted. As I was eating I saw a scene, placed the plate in my left hand, grabbed my camera hanging at my right side,stepped forward, took the shot, stepped back, let the camera fall to my side and continued eating. Some guy came up to me and gave me a fist bump for not missing a beat eating and shooting. I thanked him.

Oh, yea, the fist bump…any idea how an awkward geek like me tries to be cool in a mass like this? It’s a challenge and at times, not very pretty. After a few ridiculous attempts I figured out the ritual.

So where is all this yammering on leading to?

My unfounded prejudice of NFL fans, um , Vikings fans in particular was COMPLETELY dissolved this morning by the love, acceptance and gratitude these total strangers shown upon me, as I am sure they would to any one who walked into the camp. Except maybe for the stuffed dummy laying on the ground dressed like a member of the opposing team..but I got some good shots of kids kicking it.

And isn’t this the way of prejudice? An unfound fear based on lack of understanding….only dissolved by love and acceptance.

Rock ON VIKINGS FANS! You had a little Bear in your camp this morning and for a brief time he felt as if he was in Valhalla!

Here is the link to the pictures:
“http://www.flickr.com/photos/joebielawa/sets/72157631716790005/”

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13 Hours of Photography

I put in a 13 hour day of photography yesterday, which I haven’t done since I was running C&C Photo in in Cathedral City, CA back in the 1990’s

It started with THe Big Gay Race, a fund-rasier for Minnesotans United for ALL Families, which is a coalition of Minnesotans that believe in marriage equality and have organized to defeat the amendment to the MN State Constitution that would limit marriage to between one man and one woman.

What is so obvious here, is that the State and Federal Constitutions are in place to guarantee and uphold peoples rights, not to take them away or restrict them.

The event was held over at St. Anthony Main in Southeast Minneapolis along the Mississippi River, which is actually the “birthplace” of Minneapolis.

Over 6,000 Minnesotans from all walks of life, singles, families, sexual orientations, faiths, ethnicities joined together making a stand for Marriage Equality by participating in a 5k run/walk along the east and west sides of the Mississippi River.

The energy level was incredible and as the the start time approached it just kept rising. I have participated in this event for the last two years, but this year I opted to just move around and capture images of the event.

As the crowds gathered at the start line and with the singing of the National Anthem I felt the emotion just rising inside and my eyes teared up. As the start horn sounded I let out a “WWOOOOTTT!” as the runners began to pass, the woman next to me turned to me and smiled and I saw she was crying as well. I laughed a nervous laugh, we hugged and both commented on how it was “so awesome to see all these people in support of this”

Here is a link to the images:
“http://www.flickr.com/photos/joebielawa/sets/72157631653540543/”

The event lasted a couple hours. Then I skedaddled home, switched camera batteries, did a quick charge on the flash battery and headed back down to St. Anthony for the second shoot of the day.

I used to live in SE Minneapolis by St. Anthony Main in the 1980’s and am aware of the parks and such along the river. I never really thought using it as a background for photography, but decided to meet the model there who was coming in from the suburbs.

This shoot was just incredible. The guy is a natural, with a great look and in a very short time knew what I wanted and would just “throw me the look” and strike the pose. The lightening was perfect and all the backgrounds were spot on. Everything came together perfectly.

Here is the link to the images:

“http://www.flickr.com/photos/joebielawa/sets/72157631654073775/”

Back in the early 1990’s I was shooting cover photographs for a magazine in Palm Springs CA called MegaScene. The publisher, Bob Hoven, or the Duchess as he was referred to, was one of my early mentors. He saw my photographic talent and nurtured it by having me shoot his covers. I adapted a certain style that I knew would work for the format of the magazine…which became one of my signature photo styles.

When my addiction grabbed me by the short hairs causing the caca to splatter into the cooling device, and the bottom fell out of that phase of my photo career (and my life), I lost everything. Bob was still there to lend support as best that he could. He was very encouraging when I left CA to seek rehab in MN. We talked by phone every Sunday. On once such Sunday in July of 2006, two hours after we talked, he had a massive heart attack and died at his desk in his office.

Looking at the images I captured yesterday…I see how my old signature MegaScene style came back. I know the Duchess would have been proud of my work, teasing me for taking SO MANY images and “how will we EVER choose what one to use for the cover”

So in a way, I have turned full circle…back to where I once belonged.

I get these alot in my life lately, these full circles. I am fortunate to experience them. That I let these things go as I once chose a meth pipe over everything else. To have them return is a gift of staying clean. It’s a reality of staying clean.

The third shoot of the day was just as eventful as the previous two, but in it’s own way, even more so. The theme was erotica and the client wants to keep them private, so unfortunately I can’t put those out on the interwebs for all to see.

Always the smart ass that I am, some would say even bitch-like, to have this model before me nearly naked, exposing more than his vulnerability, as I get him comfortable with being this way in front of me with a camera. He chooses a pose that just kills the whole masculinity of the look. I could say, “No, Not that.” I could. But no, I HAVE to quip “Yaaa, that looks good, but I left all my little pink purses at home, Mary. You think you could butch it up for me here. You’re killing the moment’ We both burst out in laughter and he exclaims: “FUCK YOU, Joe” I thank him and we work the next shot.

All just too much fun! It didn’t hit me until I got home late last night that I had been going for over 13 hours. Granted there were little breaks for coffee, food and transit.

And it will all starts here again in a couple of hours as I head up north to photograph a horse farm that does Equine Assisted Psychotherapy.

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Baby, you can drive my car.

Had a rental car for the last few days. Seems strange. Running about town hither and yon, focused, yet it seemed, mostly without direction.

Being a Minneapolitan and dwelling within the Downtown Corridor, owning a vehicle is rather impractical, to me, so I opt to ride a bicycle.

What was most odd scurrying around downtown in a metal box on four wheels instead of sitting atop two, was separating my biking mind from my driving mind. It seemed foolish to wait for red lights to change, yet I did. On a bike I stop and if no traffic, proceed thru.

Parking is ridiculous. Having to drive around looking for an available spot as opposed to just locking up to the nearest pole closest to what ever establishment I want to enter.

The most difficult was fighting the urge to jump curbs and rip thru parks or open spaces. This one caused me the most concern…and I had to pay attention not to give in.

Having an endless stream of music playing on a radio was enjoyable, as opposed to just singing out to the endless stream playing in my head.

Streets vs. Bikelanes. I still think bikelanes are quicker….as are the alley short cuts.

Highways, four wheels win. As does the purchasing power with a trunk and back seat. Not to mention for getting the old goods out of the abode to the various charitable locations.

Back out on two wheels tonight riding, huffing and puffing, I feel as if I lost something in the last few days of being a lazy boy sitting on my ass hardly moving any muscle groups.

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