Lyrical Therapy VII

NOBODY’S FAULT BUT MINE

Oh, nobody’s fault but mine
Nobody’s fault but mine
Trying to save my soul tonight
Oh, it’s nobody’s fault but mine

The devil he told me to roll
The devil he told me to roll
How to roll the log tonight
Nobody’s fault but mine

Brother he showed me the gong?
Brother he showed me the ding dong ding dong
How to keep that gong alive
Oh, it’s nobody’s fault but mine

Got a monkey on my back
Got a mo, mo, mo, mo, monkey on my back, back, back, back
Gonna change my ways tonight
Nobody’s fault but mine

I will get down rollin’ tonight
No-no-no-no-no-no-nobody’s fault

Written by Robert Anthony Plant, James Patrick Page • Copyright © Warner/Chappell Music, Inc

 

I was hooked the first time I heard Presence, actually the entire LZ catalog, although the over played Stairway has certainly lost it’s lustre.

But this. I love it because it means for me to take ownership of what ever negative may be occurring in my life.

Back int the late 1980’s, I threw a house party and some thieving magpie nicked a guitar from the spare room in the basement that I used as a practice space. In all honesty I was a guitar collector and not really a guitarist. Although I could do a fierce impression of Pagey’s violin bow solo. Anyway…I played this through my Kenwood at full 350 watts per channel and when the song ended the phone rang and I answered with: “That’s all I am playing. I just needed to hear that.” and a neighbor replied: “Ya. We all did”  The guitar was returned…but that’s another story.

The monkey on my back. Ya, I have had a monkey on my back since birth, the by product of the sperm and the egg. At times in my life the monkey has ruled. HAHAHAHA, in all actuality, the monkey always rules, whether I am clean and sober or back in active addiction.

I am just emerging from active addiction, which started with causal use at the end of last year.  From late April, after my return from Costa Rica until five days ago I was in the grips of full on self-destruction. Active use, promiscuousness, lack of sleep,not eating right…but most destructively, not possessing any self love and allowing parasites to drain me of my energy.

On Sunday, I made the conscience effort to make a change. Within 20 short hours, my life shifted. In the past, I always white knuckled my way through; craving out the minutes, hours and then days of clean time. After awhile, the spirituality would come in and things got easier.

This time the spirituality came to me through the grace of two women as vessels of the the Spirit, and my life transformed.

Addict is, addict was, addict will always be: I haven’t a clue how long this will last. If I am aware of the Spirit coming from those around me and as it rises up  within me, I haven’t a desire to use.

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