Monthly Archives: September 2016

Over the course of the last two weeks, all that I own was either given away, sold, thrown out or put into storage. Into these four crates I placed what will be needed for “existence” during the next few months as I travel about the American Southwest. The four crates, placed side by side, front to back are the base of my bed in my Honda Element. More on that later.

In all honesty, I didn’t realize the extent of energy I would expend going through everything and letting go of it all, one way or another. It was taxing, emotionally draining and resulted in me assessing everything in my life. Going forward, I will try to keep ahead of this task. It’s seems so unnecessary to be so invested in “stuff” whether it is the tangible or emotional.

I certainly don’t feel any lighter…

Listening to Led Zeppelin, Physical Graffiti …my heart is  slightly heavy, my spirit clouded…and then these play:

“Ten Years Gone”

Then as it was, then again it will be
An’ though the course may change sometimes
Rivers always reach the sea
Blind stars of fortune, each have several rays
On the wings of maybe, down in birds of prey
Kind of makes me feel sometimes, didn’t have to grow
But as the eagle leaves the nest, it’s got so far to go

Changes fill my time, baby, that’s alright with me
In the midst I think of you, and how it used to be

Did you ever really need somebody, And really need ’em bad
Did you ever really want somebody, The best love you ever had
Do you ever remember me, baby, did it feel so good
‘Cause it was just the first time, And you knew you would

Through the eyes an’ I sparkle, Senses growing keen
Taste your love along the way, See your feathers preen
Kind of makes makes me feel sometimes, Didn’t have to grow
We are eagles of one nest, The nest is in our soul

Vixen in my dreams, with great surprise to me
Never thought I’d see your face the way it used to be
Oh darlin’, oh darlin’

I’m never gonna leave you. I never gonna leave
Holdin’ on, ten years gone
Ten years gone, holdin’ on, ten years gone

I think I have, may in the past, spoke of this. I guess  it occurs, registers, rings at of time placed moments of significance. Tens years gone. 12 years gone, 20 years gone what , really is the significance ?

“In The Light”

And if you feel that you can’t go on. And your will’s sinkin’ low
Just believe and you can’t go wrong.
In the light you will find the road. You will find the road

Oh, did you ever believe that I could leave you, standing out in the cold
I know how it feels ’cause I have slipped through to the very depths of my soul.
Baby, I just want to show you what a clear view it is from every bend in the road.
Now listen to me
Oh, whoa-whoa, as I was and really would be for you, too, honey
As you would for me, oh, I would share your load.
Let me share your load. Ooh, let me share, share your load

And if you feel that you can’t go on
In the light you will find the road

Though the winds of change may blow around you, but that will always be so
When love is pain it can devour you, if you are never alone
I would share your load. I would share your load
Baby, let me, oh, let me

In the light
Everybody needs the light.
In the light, in the light, in the light

Light, light, light, in the light
Light, light, light, in the light, ooh, yeah
Light, light, light, in the light

Got the Led out. Getting heady. It’s been awhile.

WOW! From Physical Graffiti. Truth again, overwhelms .

Musical theraphy reforged as mix of solid philosophy infused with new thought.

I have wandered from this, musical therapy. For, so, so long.

Clearly the lyrics and score were  not written to my  current state, but, oh; how they ring true, again.

Or is it just a comfort for me, to find solace in the circlaular orbital patterns of my life?

“Changes fill my time,  baby, that’s alright by me…..”

‘Though the winds of change may blow around you, but that will always be so….’

Two constants, yet always ever-changing,

I am about ready to embark on the unknown. Venture forth. I am cocky about it, yet underneath, there is a bundle of uncertainty. I follow the front more than it guides me. Yet, it quite possibly, may be one in the same.

As I process the last 19 years at this geographical location, I realize that some of the longings haven’t changed. Yet, so much has changed. So, amongst it all,  the yearnings remain the same, the thought process on how to deal with the yearnings has changed. This is a good thing.

(A screamin’ Page guitar brings me to the place it always does. Hammer of the efffing gods.)

I am in the midst of selling  my co-op apartment as I prepare to embark on a cross-country move. A major part of this process is to go through all that I own and decide what can be donated, what can be recycled, what can be trashed and what makes the journey.

Some of these possessions have been around since childhood; some from adolescence;  others, from early adulthood and to the present day.

It is a daunting task. I have had to touch every item I own as I open and go through every drawer, nook, cranny, envelope, folder, container, box and decide; “What is the value of this?”

The throw away and the recyclable stuff was the easiest to get rid of. The stuff for donation was the next easiest, although that’s what makes up the piles in the front and the back of the apartment. I have had a couple of friends come over and go through the denotable stuff. One man’s junk is another man’s treasure. That’s how I ended up with a majority of this stuff in the first place.

My first job when I returned to Minnesota in 1997 was working for a nonprofit that provided goods and services to the economically challenged of the Twin Cities. I certainly fit the bill at the time as I working for minimum wage of $5.15 an hour. Oh, but what “collectables” did I acquire!

As I sit on my couch now and look out at the piles across the living room into the dining room, I am first struck by the “scent” of aged, used goods. Then secondly, by the energy of all these previously owned goods piled in mass, out in the open.

This has been the most significant for me: the energy of the stuff…and the energy I am expending going through it all and then, letting it go.

For the last couple of years in Corporateland, I have had a stress knot that runs from my right gluteal up across my back into my left shoulder. After being out of that environment and starting this moving process; as I reach to get an file out of a cabinet, a box off the floor, open a drawer….whatever the movement has been, I can feel the knot, so I flex around it and exhale. In the last week I have gained range of motion as my upper body movement becomes greater.

After some time, with the toxins of the stress knot being released, the “scent” of the goods, the handling of very item, the emotional detachment that occurs…I become drained and have to take a break. I get over heated and the top of my head is a furnace. And I realize just how much negativity I am releasing by doing this purging, this letting go.

I have also come to the understand of the “stuff” concept.  It’s really nothing but “stuff” and how much I have held on to that has just been holding me down. Physically. Mentally.  Spiritually.

Then too, there are the jewels, the precious things of my history, things that will carry into the next phase. It re-affirming to go through all of my photographs and see my growth and development as a photographer. An excitement is building to go into my film “vault” and work once again with my negatives, only this time to digitalize them.

ok, time to get back going through stuff.