W. T. F.
There is a certain cyclical looping to my life. It used to be more drastic dramatic then it is now…whether age or a drug free existence has mellowed it, who knows. I still get bitchy-itchy feisty during certain months.
Since my late teens, late May was always been a time of flight for me, with September coming in second as a month of shift.
Moving, running, cutting ties, changing scenery. Usually across country or across town, mostly fueled by my abandonment issue: me fleeing because of a broken relationship/situation from heartache or me giving the ole “FUCK YOU” to an employment situation or friendship. After a time the geographical shifts stopped, but the minor change of jobs or housing always occurred in May.
As I maintain clean time and sobriety, and developed a “normal” routine…certain upheavals of my younger days have subsided. That is not to say that I don’t still get severely geeked out at various times of the year. Maybe it’s my quarterly period.
Oddly, at other times of the year when the gibbous moon is waxing I am in turmoil, yet in May the approaching full moon brings me peace.
This has been a rough one, this May 2013.
Heap it onto an already depressive sort of mood and the bottom just seems to fall out.
I have been neglecting the gym and not getting my usual endorphin surge. So that may be the key…or a reason to my angst. I know exercise is my antidepressant. So I have to return. I have been doing weekly workouts, but not the every other day intensity that I had been doing for the last few years.
There are situations in life and on the horizon that need to be dealt with, yet I know I must ride through this rough right now and new days will dawn and all this turmoil will be in the past.