Denial, Self Realization and that Ugh, Fuck Moment

You know that moment where suddenly a veil is lifted and an understanding floods into you mind and you realize the way you have been going on about something is COMPLETELY a state of denial or disillusion and you are face to face with the error of your thinking and it hits you: Ugh, fuck!

You don’t know really where to begin, except not to feed into THAT bullshit any longer.

You wonder:

Who else could tell (ya praobally everybody)
You feel like a fool ( um, ya and hold onto THAT feeling just so you may not fall into this trap AGAIN)
In amazed embarrassment at all the years you lived this way ( again, hold on to that feeling, the discomfort)

But then, after the flood, there is this feeling of fresh air and /or a fresh light that shines in on an area once so dark with self-deception that a wave of power, force or strength seems to overflow the area that once was dark and you realize, ya ok, it’s cool. I am done thinking that way. That thought pattern is a delusion and that delusion is killing me…

And suddenly that ugh fuck turns into ( the goodly) OH FUCK!

Ya, I have had another one of those. Again.

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