The co-ordinates and the precise moment my soul housing took its first breath on this planet.
Year marker 49, the beginning of my 50th year of existence in this lifespan.
So I am granted another “mile maker” yet what are they but just a number in time? I don’t look my age… that is, if I compare myself to others of my vintage…can’t say if I feel my age…because I don’t know what this age is suppose to feel like.
I can only speak of my own path…my history and I feel better today than I ever have in my life, I don’t know if it is my aging, getting older, just not giving a fuck or what.
I feel more at peace now, than I ever have in my life.
There was a time in the middle of the third quarter of 1997 where I tried to extinguish this life, but the universe has a greater plan.
The Piscean. Of all the astrological signs, Pisces is the ONLY sign warned of avoiding alcohol and drugs. It is said that Pisceans are the most balanced of signs for they have equal parts of all the 12 signs of the Zodiac, yet it is this balance that also creates havoc as far as the mood swings go as they are hyper-sensitive to their surroundings…actually, just hyper-sensitive in general. Yet on the dark side, Pisceans can be escapists, living in a dream world, one steeped in emotion rather than logic, amongst other things.
Astrology was never part of my early education; family and Catholic educators seemed to label it unfounded, nonexistent, or a “sin”. I don’t live my life around it, but I know it is an existing force. Much of my early religious education has been discarded for a more believable spirituality. And the stronger this spirituality becomes, the more people with the same understanding enter into my life, renewing and making stronger a knowledge I was never taught, but always intuitive to.
This last year has been a good one, a lot of achievements and realizations have come into reality. I think the most significant is the understanding that came by spending time in the Integratron. The short time I was there striped away layers of confusion, lifting veils of darkness, giving way to an enlightenment so empowering, it is somewhat beyond words. But I don’t have to explain it. I just have to live it.
Whether it was ‘a seven year itch” or whatever, but I have seemed to embrace a life with out a dependence on 12 steps programs this past year. I know they were critical for the couple few years in the beginning. I would encourage anyone struggling to try the 12 steps to see were it leads. And there are certain aspects of 12 steps that I still hold onto, but as far as it being the focal point of my life…I find it too limiting to continue. But I still maintain clean time for I love a life with out the use of intoxicants.
With the way things that are starting to happen photographically, I am excited to see what develops (HA!) in the upcoming months.
And yet, there are still things I have to improve on. Mind fucks, character defects, bad habits, issues…whatever they’re called. Until the last breath it will always be a life to improve on…some understanding of self that will need to be addressed so another aspect of growth can occur.
It makes me shutter... 